Cool World: A blonde between two worlds

Cool World es una película de 1992 que pretendió seguir la estela del éxito cosechado por la genial ¿Quién engañó a Roger Rabbit?. ¿Lo logró? En absoluto. El resultado fue triste, muy triste, tanto por su argumento insólito, vacuo y absurdo como por la pésima mezcla de dibujos animados con realidad, mucho peor que la vista hacía 5 años atrás en la película de Robert Zemeckis. Si no habéis visto todavía la película, o si tenéis algún recuerdo de ella, podéis continuar leyendo. Si sois masoquistas y pensáis en darle una oportunidad, no lo hagáis, seguid leyendo y se os hará más divertido.

Cool World begins by telling us the story of Frank Harris (Brad Pitt), a soldier who returns home after World War II. Brad, like any typical American soldier, is extremely good at poker and wins a surprising Harley Davidson in a game, so he decides to have a blast with his dearest mother, with the misfortune that a drunk driver crosses his path and ends his life.

All this preamble serves as an excuse to teleport Brad Pitt (broomstick up his ass, via) while he mourns the death of his mother to Cool World, a demented cartoon world that seems to have been designed by some unfortunate man up to his eyeballs on LSD.

After jumping in time to 1992, Holli Would, the blonde around whom the entire film revolves, enters the scene. Holli has a problem, and that is that she is a hopeless nymphomaniac whose only goal in the movie is to wiggle and fuck a human being. But we have a problem, and that is that in Cool World, the only law that exists prohibits the “mongotos” from sleeping with human beings, so the poor “woman” is in heat all the time, even rubbing against the walls.

We realize the level of tackyness that the film can reach, when travellings of static images are executed to show us the different fauna that inhabits the “Cool World”.

Holy, who is hornier than a donkey in Mayo, manages to get Jack Deebs (Gabriel Byrne) to Cool World, a convict about to be released from prison who is the theoretical cartoonist of the entire racket, with the sole objective of getting him off. At this point, you may think that I’m exaggerating everything, but don’t be fooled, the film’s central theme is sexual relations between cartoons and real people (something that, well known by everyone, is only possible for the most horny Japanese). The poor man, who has no family and who we assume is completely rehabilitated (otherwise they wouldn’t let him out of jail) doesn’t earn any trouble, and of course, if they put him in front of an attempted Jessica Rabbit after spending years behind bars, we can’t blame him for taking literally the famous saying that “in war every hole is a trench.”

Meanwhile, Brad Pitt, in the nearly 50 years that he has been in Cool World, has become an arrogant and rude piece of wood, not at all illogical if we take into account that the man is immersed in a chaste romance with a “puppet”, and given all the monstrosities that swarm around the world, I would not be surprised at all if the brave policeman did not even let off steam on his own after such heated encounters with his “girlfriend”, lest the device start spitting fire, or what do I know.

Between scenes, cartoons appear jumping and doing things without any sense, as if they were a simple excuse to add elements from the cartoons but that are irrelevant. Also, in most cases, they seem to be layered on top of each other as if they were a last-minute addition. Among all these drawings, some that are like sketches, which give a particularly bad vibe, attract special attention.

But let’s continue with the argument. As you can imagine, in the end Holli manages to sleep with her artist, and lo and behold, it seems that if a drawing sleeps with a human being, she automatically becomes Kim Basinger! Yes, I’m going to assume that if any drawing is done with a human, everyone becomes Kim Basinger because it’s more fun that way.

Not content with having practiced a little fucking, Holli decides that it’s time to go conquer the real world, so they head to Las Vegas with one goal… exactly, to seduce men; They will do whatever she wants. However, anyone who watches Fringe knows that when traveling between universes the laws of physics change, which is why cartoons start appearing in the real world. Unfortunately we don’t have Walter Bishop or Olivia Duhnam to fix the interdimensional mess, so Holy decides that while he’s at it, why doesn’t he screw it up completely and holy easter?

Rumor has it that once, a long time ago, a puppet named Vegas Vinnie managed to travel to the real world and get rich by setting up a casino. However, the casino keeps a terrible secret, since its sign houses a punch (or Google Maps marker) that if removed is capable of uniting the two universes into one, turning all the people into puppets.

Como imaginaréis, Holli consigue su objetivo, pero lanza Brad Pitt desde lo alto del casino y acaba con su vida. Y cuando parece que ya no hay vuelta atrás y todo se ha ido al garete, aparece Jack Deebs y repone el punzón en su lugar, salvando ambos mundos y convirtiéndose en un superhéroe de dibujos animados, todo para escarnio de Brad Pitt, que se creía el protagonista de la película. ¡Chúpate esa Brad, salí de la cárcel para salvar al mundo y tú no eres más que un llorica!.

Finally, all the characters return to Cool World, including the corpses for some dirty joke of nature. There, Brad Pitt’s chaste girlfriend, after lamenting that she will never be able to fornicate her beloved human, reveals something that curiously no one had said before, not even a scientist who is capable of generating wormholes between universes: that if a puppet kills a human, the latter becomes a puppet, and poof! Brad Pitt turns into a drawing ready to fuck his girlfriend. End.

Cool World is a terrible movie, lacking in humor and without substance. A “counterprogramming” film that only intended to attract those who had liked Roger Rabbit and also horny teenagers with its prominent sexual theme. My recommendation: don’t see it, and if you have seen it, forget it.