Han pasado ya algunos dĂas desde que comentĂ© en Twitter mi primera impresiĂłn de la pelĂcula de Dragon Ball, subtitulada por alguna extraña razĂłn âEvolutionâ. Posiblemente se trate de un fallo de traducciĂłn e inicialmente la querĂan llamar âDevolutionâ por las ganas que te dan de devolver al verla (Y dicho sea de paso, de que te devuelvan el dinero). Pero no adelantemos acontecimientos, lo primero de todo es ponernos en situaciĂłn, asĂ que si tenĂ©is a mano una botella de whisky o de ron, bebĂ©os la mitad al trago y seguid leyendo, lo digerirĂ©is mejor, os lo aseguro.
Some time ago I predicted that Dragon Ball Evolution could not but be another of the bullshit that Hollywood has accustomed us to with its shoddy adaptations of mythical series or video games. And I was not wrong, because by maintaining it, it does not even maintain the plot of the original series.
The movie begins with Goku and his grandfather Gohan jumping on a clothesline while they try to get their hands on each other until Gohan throws a life wave at Goku. Curious about the topic of vital waves, which they say are nothing other than air, they are like farts. That they are like farts is the conclusion reached after seeing that they can light candles, just like when we hold a lighter to our butt.
Letâs return to the plot of the movie. Goku goes to a school where everyone makes fun of him and he has no friends. The tough guys in his class threaten him and destroy the bike he always rides to class with their souped-up cars. Topical, topical, topical. And of course, he is deeply in love with Chichi, a popular girl in his class whom he imagines eating apples in green meadows (in the adult version she eats other things).
Chichi has a peculiar role in the film. She is the one who helps Goku control his Ki based on dirty fellatio propositions. And thatâs it, Chichiâs role in the movie is reduced to a scene in which she does that. The rest are filler to try to stop the angry fans from tearing up the seats in the cinema, since he also practices martial arts and is in a tournament.
Had I already said that Goku is nothing more than the sidekick of the God Picolo trapped in a human body? Well, thatâs right, her true form is a monkey (of which I donât remember the name, so I will address her as Megan Fox) because of some wise men who two thousand years ago put her in the body of a human. Megan Fox does not appear for more than 5 minutes at the end of the film and does not become giant, although she is there long enough to break the neck of Master Mutenroi, who in the film is called Mutenroshi (If Teto is called Yamcha, I donât know why they give him the foreign name) and give some use to the dragon balls.
As for the rest of the characters, they donât need much analysis: Bulma is a Jenny with a blue lock of hair, the cat who lived on top of a stick and who gave the magic beans to the protagonists is now a black man with eyebrows full of dandruff, Yamcha is a dog, Mai is now Picoloâs hitman and only serves to show tricks, Picolo appears for just 10 minutes during the entire film and it is not explained why he wants to destroy the worldâŠ
You may be thinking that everything said above is passable as long as there is a good fight scene, but there isnât. Goku throws Picolo a KAMEJAAAMEJAAAAAA! (with J) and thatâs it. They have left the most ridiculous things in the series and havenât added anything serious to counteract it. The bad thing is that since itâs not Spanish cinema, thereâs no breast to compensateâŠ
PDTA: After the credits an old woman appears taking care of a badly injured Picolo, so in a couple of years we will have a second part.